Experiencing and Reflecting on Leadership Abilities

In March of this year, I wrote a blog post titled The 4 Characteristics of a Leader http://www.ecconsultingwy.com/?p=43 . In the post I identified and described four important leadership abilities I hold close, based on my professional experience and research. They are the ability to build positive relationships, the ability to develop and communicate a vision, the ability to be collaborative, and the ability to be adaptable. Recently, while I participated in a grass roots volunteer effort at my daughter’s school, I had the opportunity to personally feel how a participant’s experience is affected by the abilities and effectiveness of the leaders.

Wanting to contribute to and support the PTO of my daughter’s school, I answered an email call for volunteer help for the “43rd annual Halloween Carnival, the largest fundraiser of the year”. Although I never received a follow-up email or any details, I arrived on the indicated day ready to give 3 hours to the effort. As I entered, I observed the PTO leadership focused and hard at work. Recognizing there were not many other volunteers present, I quickly asked what tasks they had for me to do. Surprisingly, the leadership group was not able to immediately come up with a definitive answer. Luckily I had been a volunteer during the previous year’s event, so I was able to find myself a job and got going.

Shortly after I got started, the mother of a kindergartener arrived to help. We were acquainted because her child had been in my preschool class. As we talked, I could tell she was excited to be participating in the effort on behalf of her son and I recognized her potential to become a long term committed PTO volunteer and as an emerging leader. While we were talking she expressed uncertainty as to what she should be doing. She had also asked for an assignment from the PTO leadership and had not been given anything specific to do. I helped her find a job and on we went, a bit confused, but doing what we could. As I continued to set up and later during the event, I could not help but reflect on this situation and recognize that several of the key components of effect leadership were missing.

With respect, I want point out the PTO leadership was working tirelessly to make the annual Halloween Carnival a success. They were dedicated to getting the job done no matter what it took on their part. Even as they were focused on this year’s carnival, they were working on a project to make next year’s setup more streamline. THEY HAD A VISION… The problem was they were not prepared to communicate their vision and delegate responsibility so others could successfully contribute. In the end they did most of the work themselves while the rest of us walked away feeling confused, underutilized, and a bit disrespected. The long-term effect of this type of leadership is a burned out, resentful leadership group and volunteers who are not compelled to come back.

Whether in the workplace or in a volunteer position, people show up, physically and mentally, because they want to contribute to something in a meaningful way. An effective leader respects this desire to contribute and reciprocates with a plan. To do this well, the leader takes the time to build relationships and get to know those with whom they will be working, enabling them to utilize the energy and talents of their team members in the best possible way. In turn, everyone responds by working hard and feeling good about their contribution. The long-term effect of this type of leadership is all participants, including the leaders leave the experience feeling energized and open to next steps and new possibilities.

In the book Primal Leadership: Unleashing the Power of Emotional Intelligence the authors explain when leaders share their vision to “help people to see how their work fits into the big picture, lending people a clear sense not just that what they do matters, but also why, it maximizes buy-in for the organizations overall long term goals” (Goleman, Boyatzis, & McKee, 2002).   Based on my recent PTO experience I have pinpointed a few simple steps that any organization can take to help move them toward maximum buy-in from their team.   Leaders must start by recognizing a participant’s willingness to contribute by responding to messages and being prepared when they arrive to participate. Leaders must continue by sharing their overall vision along with a collective list of tasks and responsibilities, asking participants to provide input on how they feel their strengths can be utilized. This sharing of information transforms the leaders vision into a collective vision with each participant understanding how and why they can be involved in a meaningful way.  Finally, each task should have a clear goal with a beginning and an end so everyone can feel a sense of accomplishment and satisfaction as they contribute to reaching the collective vision.

When leaders take the time to use their ability to connect and build relationships with their team members, their ability to develop and communicate their vision, and their ability to work collectively and collaboratively, everyone feels valued, creating a foundation for continued and expanded involvement.

 

Resources

Goleman, D., Boyatzis, R. E., & McKee, A. (2002). Primal leadership: Realizing the

power of emotional intelligence. Boston, Mass: Harvard Business School

Press.

Tidbits of Wisdom

We do not progress from error to truth, but from truth to truth.   Thus we must see that none can be blamed for what they are doing, because they are, at this time, doing the best they can. We learn only from experience.

Swami Vivekananda

During my nearly 30-year career, I have been fortunate to have had wonderful mentors who supported and challenged me as I developed as a leader.   Often when reflecting on how I approached a situation, I recognize a tidbit of wisdom shared by one of these mentors that contributed to my ability to maneuver through the situation successfully.

Recently I found myself thinking about one mentor, my former supervisor from St. John’s Medical Center, Sandy Cameron. She was a member of the human resources department and acted as a liaison between the employees of the medical center and the administration. Sandy had a beautiful way of handling difficult situations with respect and fairness. She always focused on what was not working in the process rather then the individuals involved. She had high expectations of professional conduct and if an individual was open to coaching she believed everyone could be successful.

The following are three tidbits of wisdom Sandy shared with me that I hold close and would like to share here. They were presented to me in the context of the workplace, but I have used them in all aspects of my life, especially the first one.

Assume positive intent

 “Assuming positive intent in the workplace means consciously choosing to assume that our co-workers are operating to the best of their ability, and are acting with the best interest of the company and their colleagues in mind (http://quickbase.intuit.com/blog/2011/05/03/the-rewards-of-assuming-positive-intent/#sthash.IVHZh3Ex.dpuf).

In my experience both in the workplace and beyond, when it really comes down to it, most of the time individuals are not consciously making decisions using a hidden agenda to sabotage an individual, a project or an organization. More often they simply have a misunderstanding or different interpretation of what they should be doing or they may not have the skills and abilities to do what they have been asked.   Another possibility is they may see another, sometimes better, way to get to the same outcome. By assuming positive intent in any of these situations, we open ourselves up to be respectful as we ask for clarification and work together to reach common ground.   In the end, when we assume positive intent we are able to focus on the process and positive outcomes without negativity or disrespect.

Your human resources are your most important resources treat them with respect.

 A good leader understands an organization is made up of people and for an organization “to grow and adapt, the leadership must recognize the value and contribution of people” (http://www.derekstockley.com.au/newsletters-05/018-human-capital.html). While an organization’s bottom-line, efficiency, goals and outcomes are important, they can only be met when leaders create an environment that reflects respect, reciprocation and responsiveness to the people. To do this, leaders must be courteous in even the most difficult situations, maintain open lines of two-way communication, and provide the training, resources and support necessary for individuals to get their job done effectively. In an environment where the people are respected and supported they have the confidence and desire to respect and support the organization right back.

 Don’t make it personal.

An organization’s people bring with them a variety of personalities, life experiences, and perspectives. A good leader has the ability to build respectful relationships valuing the individual, while also being able to communicate clear expectations. In some cases the expectations will be the policies and performance standards of a business, in others it might be the amount of time and attention someone can give to a volunteer committee or even a book group. In any case, creating a respectful environment focused on agreed upon expectations removes much of the opportunity for individuals to make things personal.   In other words it is not about who the person is, but rather their ability to meet the established expectations.  And if an individual is challenged to meet expectations it creates an opportunity for shared goal setting and supported growth allowing them to develop through experience.

 

 

The Rocking Chair: A Leadership Reboot

Last week, I summited the 13,770 foot Grand Teton. I had attempted the climb over 12 years ago, but was turned back because of weather. The climb remained a personal goal of mine over the years. Thanks to a push from my cousin, Kate Carlin Giller last February, we decided we were going to attempt the “Grand” together at the end of the 2015 summer. I once again set my focus on the goal of reaching the top of the “Grand” and this time I successfully met the physical and mental challenges it took to complete the climb.

The morning following my 14-hour climb, descent and celebration dinner, I pulled myself out of bed because my friend Luis Hernandez, an early childhood specialist from the Western Kentucky University, was facilitating at the Children’s Learning Center staff retreat and I did not want to miss him. I was delighted I did because we had a fantastic morning focused on early childhood leadership… my favorite topic.

When I returned home that afternoon, I began to feel the “blues” caused by the emotional letdown from my huge accomplishment the day before. I had spent so much time preparing for my climb. I had set my vision more then 12 years prior, taken steps to reach the summit, both literally and figuratively, and now the accomplishment was behind me. I had been leaning into the process for a long time and now there was nothing to push against.

A couple of days later, when my body felt good enough to take a walk again, I began to reflect on my feelings of letdown and my thoughts brought me back to Luis, leadership, and a book he co-authored with Holly Elissa Bruno, Janet Gonzalez-Mena, and Debra Ren-Etta Sullivan called Learning from the Bumps in the Road: Insights from Early Childhood Leaders, specifically the chapter titled The Great Impostor: Unmasking the Burden of Self-Doubt in Our Professional Lives. It occurred to me during my emotional letdown I had begun to question my accomplishment… had I really been good enough or was it a fluke? Did I have it in me to gear up to take such a risk and meet similar challenges again? And more importantly, do I need to set a new vision and start working on it immediately?

Last winter I attended a dinner where we had an intentional conversation about the idea of leaning in, a concept made popular by Sheryl Sandberg in her book of the same name. As part of our discussion some of us decided it is physically and mentally impossible to lean in all the time. Life is more like a rocking chair, you lean in rocking forward with persistence and determination for periods of time and at others you rock back and reboot.

As I detailed in my March 17, 2015 Blog post, 4 Characteristics of a Leader, I believe great leaders must have the ability to set and lean into a vision. Based on my successful Grand Teton climb and later reflection, I also know that if you are lucky enough to reach your vision, or even a significant milestone along the way, it is time to rock back, reflect, and breath. Give yourself a chance to celebrate who you are, why you made it, and remind yourself what is important to you. It can be a time to live and work focused on daily goals and challenges rather then long term visions. By taking time to rock back you give yourself the ability to reflect on your past accomplishments while creating fresh dreams and ideas, before you know it a new vision will spring forth to inspire you to lean in again.

Grand Summit

Colby the Exum climbing guide, Kate and Betsy (Me) on the Grand Teton Summit

Bruno, H. E., Gonzalez-Mena, J. Hernandez, L. A., & Sullivan, D. R. (2013). Learning from the Bumps in the Road: Insights from Early Childhood Leaders. St. Paul, MN: Redleaf Press.

Sandberg, S. (2013). Lean in: Women, work, and the will to lead (First edition.). New York: Alfred A. Knopf.

 

Steps to Finding the Right Early Childhood Program

Finding the right early childhood program for young children is one of the most important and stressful decisions families face. Looking for a quality early childhood program while recognizing the reality of a family budget can be a balancing act. Research shows young children develop to their full potential when they have positive experiences in safe environments supported by adults they trust both in and out of their homes. These markers of quality exist in many early childhood programs, but the programs can be expensive, often costing more then a year at a state university. By going into the search process prepared with questions and knowing what to look for, families can find a great early childhood program that meets everyone’s needs.

It is important to begin to search for an early childhood program well before it is needed, especially for infants, as many of the best options will have waiting lists. As a first step, families must consider what type of child care environment would best fit their needs, a nanny, a family child care home or an early childhood center. Each option has benefits and challenges that should be taken into consideration. The next step is to identify providers and programs to be interviewed and visited. A list of licensed family child care homes and early childhood centers can be obtained by contacting the local childcare resource and referral agency for the area which can be identified using the ChildCare Aware website http://www.childcareaware.org/parents-and-guardians/resources . Finally, schedule visits to each program to observe and interview the director or owner. This visit can be as short as 15 minutes or as long as an hour, but it is important it is long enough to ask the right questions and get a feel for the environment.

To help families with this process, the following is a list of recommended questions that go beyond hours of operation and cost to help with the decision making process. They can be adjusted to use in nanny candidate interviews.

1 – Is the program licensed or accredited? If not why and how are you regulated?

When family child care homes and early childhood centers hold a current State Child Care License they have met basic health and safety standards including, background checks, health and fire inspections, current CPR and First-aide certification, basic ongoing professional development, and annual monitoring by local government agencies. There are also required teacher to child ratios and regulations such as supervision of children by sight and sound at all times including while they sleep.

Typically nannies are not licensed or regulated so it is up to the individual family to require basic health and safety qualifications such as background checks and CPR.

2 – How long has the program been in operation and do they have a policy manual for you to review?

Strong candidates have been in business for a while and have solid, up-to-date credentials, clear rules and regulations, and firm policies on operating hours, pickup and drop-off times, safety, hygiene, nutrition, naptime practices, toileting and when children are too sick to attend. References should be available upon request.

3 – What type of credentials does the staff have?

All staff including directors and owners should have had a thorough background check. All staff working directly with children should be educated in an area specific to early childhood development and education and hold a minimum of a CDA. They should have current CPR and First-aide at all times and be expected to participate in ongoing professional development. Staff should be able to talk about the activities they prepare and do with the children and how these activities support positive development.

4 – What methods does this program use to guide children’s positive behavior?

Strong candidates should have clear behavior management policies and procedures that are not punitive, but are respectful, focusing on positive behavior and encouraging children to learn how to express themselves appropriately.

5 – How big are your group sizes?

Strong candidates should maintain small group sizes. The National Association for the Education of Young Children recommends child care center’s have one caregiver for every three to four babies, and no more than eight babies in a group; one caregiver for every four to six children between the ages of 2 and 3; and a staff-to-child ratio of 1:8 to 1:10 for 4- and 5-year-olds.

6 – How will my child spend her day?

Strong candidates have a set routine with a well-thought-out daily schedule including a variety of activities. The topics and equipment should rotate regularly so children have a chance to learn new skills and don’t get bored. There should be regular outdoor times for fresh air and large movements. Television and other forms of screen time should play little or no part in the day’s routine.

7 – How do you engage with families?

Strong candidates encourage visits from families, maintaining regular two-way communication in many forms (phone calls, newsletters, conferences, daily check-ins), and understand the importance of working as a team to support a child’s positive development. You should always feel welcome and respected.

As important as the answers to these questions are, the feel of the program when touring and observing is just as important. Do the children and staff seem happy and engaged? Are the babies being held? Are the adults talking with the children? Is the equipment clean and well maintained? Are the bathrooms and sleeping areas pleasant? Does it feel safe?
Keeping in mind a child care provider will never do everything exactly as the family does it at home and it is always hard dropping off on the first day, it is imperative to pay attention to intuition. Families should only choose a child care program in which they feel at ease knowing their child will be in that setting without them. When families take the time to do a thorough investigation ahead of time and pay attention throughout their relationship with the program, their child should be off to a great start.

Caregivers Need Self-care!!

A caregiver is defined as a person who gives of him or herself to help another person.

Based on this definition, anyone who works in the field of early childhood care and education, whether they work directly with young children or in some other capacity supporting children and families, is a caregiver! When working as a direct care provider and teacher you are giving by leading and supporting groups of children so they can develop to their full potential cognitively, socially, emotionally, and physically. When working as an administrator you are working continuously to lead and support programs to be of high quality while remaining fiscally sound. As a mentor or coach you are leading and supporting other early childhood educators by observing and sharing your expertise to help them reach their full potential as a teacher and caregiver. Simply said, people who work in the field of early childhood care and education give a piece of their emotional, physical and cognitive self to the important work they do everyday.

Based on this understanding the question I pose is, how are you caring for yourself and replenishing what you give to others?

Taking care of ourselves is often a difficult concept for people who are caregivers. We see ourselves as nothing less than strong, capable, knowledgeable, and able to meet all challenges. We often choose to put our needs and mental health on the “back burner” so we can lead and support others.

As caregivers, we must come to understand we can not effectively care for others unless we are taking care of ourselves! When we are running on empty we can not be at our best. Just like the children with whom we work, we must be “refilled” on a regular basis. It is important to keep our own needs and happiness as a priority, so we can do our best to lead and support the children and adults we serve.

Summer, with the warm weather and long days, is a great time to reflect on what reenergizes and provides you with joy, and then to be sure those activities are regularly part of your life. Whether it is walking, gardening, reading, getting a manicure, taking a nap or the thousands of other things that make an individual happy, allow time for it to be a part of your life. Remember you can do more for the children and families when you replenish and care for yourself!

Reflections on Joy, Strengths and Being

I am just returning from New Orleans where I have been attending the 2015 NAEYC Institute for Professional Development. It was this year’s theme that drove me to attend The Early Childhood Profession We All Want: What Will It Take To Get Us There? As a person who is continually thinking about leadership and leadership development there are many ideas swirling in my head which will manifest themselves into various blog posts that I can share, but for today I want to keep it simple.

During one of the sessions I attended, the presenter recommended asking people what in their work gives them the most joy? She suggested, in their answer you will find their strengths. For me, my immediate answer was people and relationships. Later on I asked a group of colleagues I was talking with, “what gave them joy in their work?” As each person shared their answer, such as organizing, research, technology and building relationships, I began to see by using this simple tool; a leader could begin to build a collaborative team with diverse strengths. It also provides a natural opportunity for collective leadership allowing members of the team to lead a portion of the project using their strength. Knowing my strengths lay in relationship building and setting vision, a good organizer, researcher and technology lover would be necessary to lead other aspects of a project not in my skill set. Once again this demonstrates the sum of the parts of a team is exponentially greater then the individuals.

Perhaps even more importantly by using this tool to identify what gives a person joy in their work, they can make sure they are able to use that strength as much as possible in their daily efforts. Of course as a child care center director even though I was not crazy about creating a budget and number crunching, it was a necessary piece of my work. I could not get away from it. However, when the number crunching was starting to get me down I would remember to get up and go do a classroom visit so I could interact with the teacher and children, which always provided a little dose of joy.

Reflecting on this notion that using our strengths brings us joy, I am drawn to think about being. Being is defined as all the physical and mental qualities that make up a person. Our strengths are our most well developed qualities and part of our being. They are simply part of our authentic self and should be easily available. These qualities are not static. As part of our journey it is possible to add to and develop other qualities as we need them and they too will become part of our being. It seems logical then, when our best qualities are simply part of who we are and we are easily able to use them in our job, we are able to feel contentment and satisfaction in our work and life.

Consider then, what brings you joy in your daily work? Do you recognize it as one of your strengths? Can you add more of it throughout your workday? Is it part of your being? I hope you will take a moment to reflect on these questions. I know I plan to some more.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Walking the EC Leadership Talk

Early Childhood Leaders speak out  for what they know is right for young children and families! 

Below is a letter to the editor I wrote concerning a possible zoning change that would limit the size of home based child care in my community.  It was published today in the Jackson Hole News and Guide.

To the Teton County Business Community and its leaders,

Child care is not just a family issue it is a community issue. Right along side housing and health care, child care is one of the most important segments of a community’s infrastructure. Without safe, affordable, child care options businesses suffer and our community suffers.

Businesses depend on their human resources to be productive and thrive. Research shows when employees lack adequate child care they can be distracted, tardy or absent, limiting them from functioning fully in the workplace.   This strain on the individual employee often produces more work and stress for their co-workers causing the entire workplace to be affected. Furthermore, lack of adequate child care often deters bright, experienced, hard working employees from returning to the workforce, causing unnecessary turnover, adding hiring and training costs to a business’s overhead, and limiting the talent available.

Let’s talk trickle down economics. Statistics show that an average annual child care tuition exceeds the annual tuition of a year at the University of Wyoming. When Teton County families, who are typically at the beginning of their earning trajectory, incur this tremendous monetary strain on their household budgets, it limits their consumption. In other words, the high cost of child care hits the bottom line of individual families, limits their discretionary spending and has repercussions for the economic growth and wellbeing of our community.

The Teton County Planning Commission is recommending a prohibition on certain home-based child care centers on high-density rural properties smaller then 10 acres. Currently, with a special use permit, these types of properties allow a home-based child care center to have up to 11 children in their care at a given time. The change would limit these small businesses to 6 children lowering the overall spaces available in Teton County. Furthermore, planning commission members stated in the May 13, 2015 Jackson Hole News and Guide article “Home Day Care Limits Loom”, day care centers are more appropriate in commercially zoned areas.

I would suggest if the proposed changes for home-based child care centers in Teton County occur, our business community will suffer. Existing home-based programs will be forced to down size, decreasing the number of child care spots available to working families as well as reducing the revenue of these important small businesses. The cost of child care will increase because home-based programs will be forced to increase rates to make up for lost revenue and potential new child care programs will be driven to pay impossibly high rents for space in commercial zones. Fewer adequate affordable child care options in Teton County will challenge our workforce and will be reflected throughout our business community.

I recommend all businesses, large and small, consider the adverse affect this proposed change will have on their employees and their ability to run successfully. Teton County’s child care needs already exceed the safe affordable spaces available. Allowing this proposal to move forward will exacerbate an already existing problem. Let’s do what is right for our community and stop this proposal from moving any further forward.

Betsy Carlin,  MS Early Childhood Studies

 

Shared Goals and Nonviolent Communication

Communication during conflict has a reputation of being aggressive and unproductive, however it does not have to be that way at all. In fact, working through opposing views using nonviolent communication (NVC) techniques can lead to overall stronger outcomes by weaving the best of all perspectives together. The Nonviolent Communication model is based on empathetically listening and honestly expressing (Center for Nonviolent Communication, 2013b). When a person listens with empathy, they observe the other person openly and without judgment, seeking to understand their feelings, needs, and motivation for their requests. When a person expresses honestly they openly share their observations, truthfully express their feelings and needs, and make their requests without demanding them.

By listening with empathy and expressing honestly, communicators and collaborators are embracing the 3 Rs of communication. They are participating in respectful, reciprocal, and responsive interactions. When listening with empathy and expressing with honesty an individual is being respectful to their communication partner by considering their unique perspective and needs. They are being reciprocal by continuously sharing ideas back and forth. They are being responsive by taking the time to understand the big picture and to come to a common solution. By using the 3 Rs a person is choosing to be a competent communicator.

When working in collaborative situations with a variety of stakeholders, everyone comes to the table with a set of goals. Often the goals are aligned, but the focus is skewed based on the needs and perspectives of the individual organization or contributor. When these organizations or individuals only focus on what will best move their work forward without considering what is best for all, then they are contributing to unproductive conflict.   When they take the time to observe and understand what they need and make a clear request, as they observe and understand the needs and requests of the other stakeholders focusing on the goals of the entire group, then they are committed to NVC.

In the field of early childhood, it seems we often live in the silos of our particular interest, home care, for profit centers, non profit centers, Head Start, TANF, higher education, accreditation, QRIS, Strong Start and other special interest groups. Although we all have a common goal focused on creating programs, policies and practices that are in the best interest of all young children, their families and the professionals who work with them, we can become skewed by our particular focus and hold tight to our needs. As a field of practice, I would suggest, all facets of the field of early childhood care and education must embrace NVC techniques and use the 3Rs of communication so we can weave together the best of what each of our perspectives are and reach our shared goal.

 

References:

Center for Nonviolent Communication. (2013a). NVC Concepts. Retrieved from

http://www.cnvc.org/Training/NVC-Concepts

Cetner for Nonviolent Communication. (2013b) The NVC Model. Retrieved from:

http://www.cnvc.org/Training/the-nvc-model

 

4 Characteristics of a Leader

In June of 2012, after 20 years, I left the director position of a hospital affiliated early childhood center to pursue new ways to support the well being of young children and families through leadership development in the field of early childhood.   At this transition in my career, I paused to reflect on my leadership style and effectiveness. What characteristics did I have that motivated others to contribute their best? What were other essential leadership characteristics? Through an ongoing process of reflection and research I identified four essential characteristics I believe a leader must possess, the ability to build positive relationships, to develop and communicate a vision, to be collaborative, and to be adaptable.

A leader who can build respectful, reciprocal and responsive relationships bound in good communication is able to create an environment of trust. When relationships are established in an environment of trust, connections are made that will support the growth and commitment of others. It creates an atmosphere where people are willing to take risks and contribute their best effort.

A vision is an aspiration for the future. It helps to predict a course, create a purpose, and motivate action. When a leader is able to affectively develop and communicate a vision, then other people begin to see how they might contribute to the process. They begin to understand what the future might hold when the vision is realized.   The vision of a leader, when developed and articulated well, becomes the common vision of the group, guiding them forward.

A leader who has the ability to be collaborative recognizes the collective is greater than the individual. They understand their personal strengths and weaknesses. They value other people’s abilities and sees how they add to the overall strength of a group. They appreciate diverse perspectives and opposing ideas, constructively weaving them together to achieve strong outcomes.

A leader who is adaptable and flexible takes things one-step at a time, building on each success and challenge.  They set a vision, but they know it will be a process to get there. They understand that what appeared to be the best way to proceed at the start might not be as the process unfolds. They are open to new ideas and the possibility of diverting from the course they have set.

Leaders in the field of early childhood, whether guiding a group of children in an early childhood classroom, working with a staff, or leading a team of adults in an advocacy project, can benefit by possessing these universal characteristics. When you develop trusting relationships with each member of the group, paint a clear picture of your hope for the future, recognize what each individual can contribute, and are flexible in your plan, your accomplishments will be endless.

Families Thrive with Routines and Sail Through Transitions

Here is a piece I recently wrote for submission to our local newspaper.  

During my almost 30 year career as an early childhood teacher and administrator some of the most common advice families ask from me is how to get their child to eat or to get dressed or go to bed on time without tears and tantrums. My answer always starts with a question, “can you tell me about your routine?” As a creature-of-habit myself, I know that I depend on my rhythm and routine each day to keep me moving forward and happy. Having a basic routine helps me manage my time, move from one activity to another and reach my goals. I have a sense of how my day or week might go and it keeps stress at bay.

For young children daily routines are especially important. Without them their lives can seem chaotic and out of control. Young children do not have the ability to tell time or understand minutes and hours so they use predictable events and routines in their day to understand what comes next and keep track of their progress. Having this ability allows them to feel secure and to become confident in themselves and the world around them. They can trust their needs are going to be met, allowing them to focus on growing and developing.

When routines are predictable for young children it makes transitions to and from activities such as meals, chores and bedtime easier. They know what to expect, how they are going to get there and that their participation is not optional. When the daily rhythm remains consistent there is less room for arguments and pushback.  The following are some strategies I have found to help make routine events predictable and easier to manage.

Meals and eating can be a problematic time for young children and families. It has been well established that children need fuel in the form of healthy food to develop and learn. We also know children can be picky, choosing to eat little at meals and holding out for unhealthy snacks when they are hungry. This can be quite frustrating and worrisome for families. To help children become healthy eaters, responsible for taking care of their bodies, mealtime expectations must remain consistent. To do this the important adults in a child’s life should set meal and snack time routines that include when meals take place, where meals take place and what food is being offered. The children then become responsible for if and how much they choose to eat.   By making mealtimes predictable and eliminating on demand snacking, children learn to eat when food is served, to try new things and if they choose not to eat, they know when the next meal or snack will be served reducing the potential for argument.

Enforceable statements are an excellent tool to help children move from one activity to another, especially when the appeal of one exceeds the other. For example, when it is time to get dressed for the day, but the child would rather play with a favorite toy, an enforceable statement would be, “when you have your cloths on then you can play with the toy”. Or when it is time to clean up before going outside the enforceable statement would be “when your toys are put away then we will head outside”. The key to enforceable statements is not just saying them, but to mean what you say by following through while remaining calm. When children experience adults using enforceable statements routinely, they quickly learn to take the adult at their word and know what is expected of them.

Bedtime can be another challenging time of the day for families. The best way to eliminate much of the bedtime challenge is to develop rituals and routines that occur in the same order each night. Include activities such as taking a warm bath or reading bedtime stories to create a sense of calm and comfort. (Avoid using television or other electronics as a calming technique as they have been found to stimulate the brain). Use each step of the routine to cue the next, for example you can say “after we get your PJs on what happens next”? A great item to include as part of the bedtime routine is talking together about the day; what happened, what they enjoyed, and any frustrations they may have had. It is also a great time to discuss the events of the next day setting up expectations and preparing for any changes in routine.

Children thrive and are able to become more independent when they have the consistency and limits that are available through a predictable routine, but we all know that life happens and unexpected changes are also important for growth. Occasional unpredictability helps children learn to be flexible and resilient, especially when they know they can count on an adult to support them.  These changes help them learn to face and work through life’s problems as they occur.

In today’s world we are all juggling many things that make a consistent routine daunting, however it can also make life run a little easier. Start small, adding predictability where it may already be and don’t give in to pushback. Who knows by adding some rhythm and routine you may find everyone has a little more time for fun!